Things we need to talk about, right now.

The last few months have given us so many reasons to unlearn, adjust and learn again. The brain fog has been all too frequent, but it's also been a bona fide lesson on how to fight for what you know is right and for what feels good - real good. Living with intent can be catalyzed by many different experiences - sometimes you're afraid of wasted time (lies, it doesn't exist), settling for a life you won't be proud of in 10 years, or simply watching the world combust without any thought for its noise-free neighbors. Either way, I've been making an extra effort at calibrating my life - the things I do, the people I see, and the way I fill my head. 

I quit my day job.

A few months ago, I was living for the weekend with little to zero appreciation for my Monday's - Friday's. It wasn't because I was devoid of being a hard worker - in fact, the earlier stages of lockdown left me with a deep desire to merge the bedroom with the boardroom -  but more of a realization that I wasn't infatuated with the idea of getting a paycheck that didn't live up to my childhood ideals. What would my 10-year-old inner child say about the fact that she wasn't completely happy? Instead of throwing a tantrum, I decided to challenge myself by quitting my job and ventured into uncertainty, with the assurance of savings and a trip to the homeland to eat my family's groceries. 

Growing older has got me thinking more than ever about my every day's - a lifeline of fun, sparks of madness, a passionate love affair with being a "good human", subsequent childhood trauma, and an ongoing persistence to thrive. It's the moments of doubt that shake me up, force me to reevaluate what I want and where I want to be. Think of it as a midlife existential crisis, only with more hair (thank you, Nioxin) and a unique ability to bend down and get right back up. We're a generation so obsessed with living, so how can we be upset when it offers us an opportunity to do it all over again?

Unsolicited Advice. Who asked you?

We share a lot online. Every little detail of our life is captured through a "bespoke" social media algorithm - newfound relationships, sourdough hacks, questionable haircuts, losses and finds. I do it almost every day. Not because, I have to - but, because I genuinely love connecting with humans through shared experiences. On the backside of this, are wannabe Ricki Lake's, willing and ready to dish out their best advice whether you signed up or not. I put on weight? Try some green tea and apple cider vinegar! I'm single? Your time will come, sweety! I'm having a bad skin day? I have the best DIY face mask for acne! I realise that the majority of people are genuinely trying to be helpful when handing out unwanted advice, but it's honestly unnecessary and condescending. If we're looking for new ways to stage our aerial shots, we'd ask X person, Google or Dr Phil for it. Receiving unsolicited advice can often feel more like criticism to the person receiving it - perhaps, I really love my burgeoning hips or have tried every anti-pimple trick in the book, but my body just operates differently to yours. Humans have a false sense of bravado when dishing out the advice, because our egos trick us into believing that we know better and therefore have a responsibility to help anyone and everyone. But, stop. Ask for consent before advising someone on a new calorie-controlled meal or a refreshed way to find a partner, and leave your ego at the door.

The glamourization of being busy.

Have you ever found yourself binge-watching a series on Netflix, all while doing some 'light' reading, and texting a friend? I often find it so hard to be still; focusing on one thing at a time is an actual chore. Let's not even address the art of selecting an actual movie on Netflix- that's a mind fuck all on its own (30 min minimum, snacks essential). The last few months have been much of a lesson in striving to look busy - we're baking sourdough, putting puzzles together, attending Zoom meetings, reading books on childhood trauma, and putting together company reports. And, it's too much. The world may implode, so we aim to 'live our best lives"- usually with a side serving of anxiety, pressure, and an Instagram filter. There are some days where I feel like conquering the universe and some days where I spend my days in bed, with 90 Day Fiance on repeat. All perfectly valid moments and perfectly valid feelings - no matter the social stigma or side effects. Let's stop glamourising the art of being busy, and start appreciating the fact that our minds and bodies are going through a special kind of collective trauma right now. We recharge almost every object in our lives, and this includes ourselves!

Single at 31, during a global pandemic.

Being single during a global pandemic has been such a life-changer/life-saver for me. At the age of 31, I've found myself unemployed, single, childless, and 100% sure that this was where I was meant to be. I've often been alone, but not truly alone - usually because I was yearning for more, going on questionable dates with questionable humans, and filling my space with the most exquisite form of busy. Lockdown forced me to reevaluate my aloneness; I had no one to fill up the gaps and had to find a new way to immerse myself in the cracks of my conscience. It was awkward and sometimes filled with one-on-one date nights, puzzling frustrations, and solo dances in my living room (Jerusalema, why do you evade me?), but it taught me an invaluable lesson in soaking up my own company. For the first time in a long time, I've finally learned to embrace myself without any apologies. 

Disclosure: No wine bottle was harmed while capturing these thoughts.

Lockdown: A Synopsis

I've always been enthused and amused by the human desire to have one's shit in order. Unfortunately or fortunately, I'm somewhat of a self-help connoisseur - I love looking at the microcosm of my daily life, relating it back to this great big world and unweaving the layers of my very existence. I sound so bloody enthusiastic, but trust me - this is the wine talking.

But, lockdown and COVID-19 has been a whole other type of subversive humour. I love the idea of being completely immersed in the act of self-growth, but I also realise that we're a generation who is fixated with bettering ourselves - we trade in our bad habits for a glass of Kombucha and return it for a slice of "living my best life" pie. Productivity is key to life, but the glorification of being busy is a farce that we need to shed. Sometimes, all your soul really needs is to lay in bed with a bad reality show on repeat, and a drug supply consisting of Jolly Jammers (so underrated), fruit chutney chips (don't judge) and a 9kg weighted blanket (I'm single and it's winter, okay). 

During quarantine, I've had absolute lows and highs. They're as extreme as they come - mornings where I get up giddy with the sheer excitement at the thought of a mental revival and some days where I want to hibernate without a to-do list. The eternal struggle to maintain a personal, professional and social life is not as easy as Chicken Soup for the Soul made it seem. We live in an era where we're encouraged to go further in every aspect of our nonsensical lives - our career goals, dating prospects, catchups with friends and trips to reconnect with the family. Enter COVID-19 and we're faced with the bitter fact that the simple art of sitting solo and doing absolutely nothing is so necessary and so needed.

The first couple weeks of lockdown were met with a child-like enthusiasm for Zoom dates, anxiety-ridden puzzles, kitchen experimentation, and DIY everything! Enter Week 2504? We've forgotten about the online house parties, judge our neighbours for breaking the lockdown rules (before proceeding to "bump into" our friends for a car park mingle), and relish in the cosmic nuances of the unplanned. 

Humans, by our very nature, are social creatures. But, there's something surprisingly satisfying in not jumping from a lunch date to a dinner date. Don't be misunderstood - I absolutely love sharing a laugh and a few plates of tapas with my people - and, lockdown hasn't changed that. The sweet spot has been the rediscovery of relishing my alone time, getting dressed up for myself, and finding a thrill in not being too busy. It's also meant that I've had to set a few boundaries that I often struggle with, because we're too polite and socially conditioned to "be there" whenever we have the capacity to. Zoom fatigue, with its constant gaze and non-verbal cues, can result in overthinking and a constant desire to decode one's messaging framework. And, it's bloody exhausting.

The fact that you're at home most of the time has also meant that it's easier for others to assume that you're always available to be contacted for anything and everything. The reality is that you really don't have to have plans with other humans to be unavailable - I could be watching TV, I could be taking a bath or I could be staring into sweet nothing. Setting boundaries and prioritising your emotional health is unbelievably essential right now, and it's absolutely acceptable if you can only make that Zoom call for 30 minutes. That's more than an episode of Friends, and that's perfectly okay.

Lockdown has also meant that I've experienced more than my normal share of mental triggers. I've unfollowed all the Kardashians (don't judge that it's taken me this long - it was all for Stormi, okay), had to be more vocal about my opinions on weight gain and have had to relinquish control in every sense of the word. We're living through a pandemic and it's led to the realisation that the lives we once lived are long gone. There were so many things that were wrong with those lives, but there was also a lot of good in it too (completely dependent on your view on veganism, monogamy, and a regular fridge defrosting of course). I'm slowly acclimatizing to this new normal via the realisation that lipstick does indeed smudge under a mask, waxing my own moustache for fun and asking my neighbours if they like bread in an attempt to summon a conversation. 

The most important lesson I'm learning is that life is unpredictable and we're living for ourselves and our loved ones. Don't feel pressured to say "yes". Don't feel guilty if you ate a pizza for breakfast. And, most importantly - don't buy cheap wine.

A letter to my mother

10 years of not physically seeing you. 10 years of diffusing your lessons and soaking in your wisdom. 10 years of wondering what life would have been like if circumstances had been different. As I get older, I often wonder what life would have been like if we were sharing a bottle of Cab Sav together right now. Would you be proud of the loudmouthed, wine-drinking, no bullshit-taking soul that you helped carve? Would we be chatting about boys? Would we be stealing clothes from each other?

These are questions that never really go away, but ones that I have grown to make peace with. An undeniable belief that you're always around me. Always remembering that everything I am; is because of you. Don't get me wrong - it's frustrating, it's painful, and it's sometimes a case of feeling sorry for myself. Why don't I have you and why did you have to leave? But, would I be the person I am now if you were still here? Probably not.

In hindsight, you were always teaching me about the concept of unwavering gratitude, through your lust for life and refusal to never hold on to resentment. You truly let go and you let live. You could light up a universe with your dirty jokes and one-winged butterfly cakes. You would pick up strays wherever you went and truly cared about bettering the world through the strongest sense of empathy and enthusiasm for humans.

Long before you left, you would read me excerpts from library books that detailed the purpose of life and the importance of extracting lessons from our singular experiences. It's so strange to think that you were somehow preparing me for life without the physical you. 2020-me has an appetite for life that is built on a pure appreciation for every single moment and person in my life - not based on a fear that they'll leave, but rather on the belief that the seemingly small moments are actually the big ones.

I'll never forget the moment I lost the earthly you and it's something that I have to practice being better at. Cancer is an absolute mind f**k and I have to be forceful with the weaker memories - separating two aspects of one's life and remembering that the boney frame, sunken eyes and dissipating hair are simply the disease. Whenever you needed a pick-me-up, you would ask me to play "Send Me on My Way" by Rusted Root (yes, the Matilda song) on my phone, and I'd see pieces of you pushing through the head bops and the crinkle in your smile. You found peace in the simple and mundane, and it always reminds me that this is what life is about - a constant stream of appreciation and gratitude for the small breaths.

Thank you for being the best possible mother a girl could ever want or need. You were imperfectly perfect - a sublime example of joie de vivre passing through this life, teaching us all how to find love in the cracks. Thank you for choosing me. And, thank you for never truly leaving me.

Dating after 30? It's a vaibe.

As we get older, we tend to start filtering experiences and people with a lot more fervour. Your tolerance for bullshit lessens, you examine your own intentions more rigorously, and you more or less know what you may want out of this universe.

Me? I've known from a relatively young age that I don't necessarily want to get married or procreate. If you know me, you’ll know that I love meeting new people - Tinder, Bumble, Happen, the neighbourhood bar - I’ve seen it all and it’s all led me to this exact moment. Secondly, if you know me, you’ll also know that I don’t date to get married or to reach a specific adulting milestone. If we vibe, we vibe with respect. And, we’ll take it as it comes. But, the moment you start engaging with humans to reach a specific socially accepted goal is the moment the fluidity stops. I’d rather keep on swimming and come up for air when my emotions tell me to (funny enough, I physically don’t know how to swim).

It always baffles me that it’s almost 2020, the world is in a strange state of economics, emotions and empathy, and yet we’re still judging those who live their lives differently. I was born into a family of super strong women, raised by a single mother, then raised by two unmarried aunts and a grandmother who’s lost a husband and two kids. Being surrounded by phenomenal women who choose to love themselves first has been my biggest, most favourite and treasured lesson.

I’ve seen what it’s like to be alone and I’ve experienced the fun of doing life with someone else. And, I honestly love both. But, I believe that committing to be with someone for the rest of your life has zero to do with a piece of paper, and often brings more assurity and peace of mind than anything else. It’s about making that every day choice to listen to someone’s bad jokes and to deal with their drama. But, if I choose to get married one day, then I expect  the most phallic-themed bachelorette and a hip flask on my wedding day day!

Kids? I love kids, I love other people's kids and I love my fur kids. And, if I one day change my mind, I'll adopt or be that ridiculously chic aunt who turns up at the Frozen-themed parties with all the fun. Having kids is not for everyone, and we need to respect that choice without assuming that women are forced into it because of biological reasons.

“Don’t worry, I’ll pray for you.” 
“It’s in God’s hands.”
“I know a great doctor!”

Despite what mainstream culture tries to teach us, there are healthy, thriving women whose greatest desire isn’t to bear their own kids. I remember the first time I casually mentioned it in a group - it was met with subdued layers of “But, why?” and “What if you have regrets?”. Friends often tell me that I’d be a good parent - I know how to take care of my emotions/finances/had imaginary mates as a kid. The precursors are there, but the desire isn’t (as yet) - and, why should one feel guilty about that?

Procreation has always been perceived as a socially accepted route to supposed happiness, fulfilment and ultimately, life. But, what if you don’t want that white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a labrador? (No, I lie - I’ll take the labrador). Don’t get me wrong, I love oohing over a baby and I 100% believe that kids bring unfiltered love to our lives. But, I love the luxury of travelling whenever I want to, spending a Sunday curled up with The Crown and nights filled with some surface noise and a paintbrush. And, if that changes at some point then I'll relish in the fact that it was my decision.

It's not selfish, it's merely a personal choice.

Judging me, judging you.

It’s weird how assumptions can be made about someone when there’s a definite lack of knowledge or understanding about the person. We do it all the time. We see a younger woman with an older man? Oh, he must be her sugar daddy, because why else would they be together. We see a down-and-out caucasian on a street corner pleading for a buck? Shame, look how they threw their life away. This world is made of judgement and we indulge in its perverse behaviour, simply because it’s easy.

In my case, I’ve been travelling quite a bit recently and have been sharing my journey around the world on social media. I love nothing more than challenging myself with foreign streets and new cultures - it makes me feel more alive and more radically charged than ever before. One day, a stranger who follows me on Instagram decided to pop me a text asking how I can afford to travel. “Are you a trust fund baby?”. I almost threw up a bit in my mouth from sheer shock, and found myself defending my life choices. If you know me, you’ll know that I made my world on my own. Old money is something I was never born with and I thank the universe for it every day.

During high school, I played the perfect part of an awkward teenager who wasn’t comfortable in her own skin, was mildly bullied and became more comfortable with staying under the radar. The person I am now VS then? Complete oxymoron. At 20, my mom passed away from an aggressive cancer that lasted only 5 months from diagnosis to death. I’m an only child, so naturally it hit me like a dirty hangover coupled with a ton of bricks. Watching a parent fight for their life at such a young age seemed almost unnatural, yet also left me with a new sense of perspective on life. I was always so scared of turning into my mother, but the truth is that I’m utterly grateful for it - I have her ability to laugh at herself and her zero tolerance for BS. Most importantly, she taught me to live with pure intent.

Life gave me the opportunity to live loudly, and I decided to make a song and dance out of it. I studied my arse off, “hustled” at internships (with the support of my family) and took every I chance I got to prove to myself that I was more than my circumstances. At 18, I had never been on a plane and one day read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, which was based on the law of attraction. I created a vision board, with a picture of a plane, luggage, a watch and a girl dancing with complete fervour. This was the life I attracted through a seemingly impossible belief in what I deserved and what I already had. Abundance is everywhere and it’s our everyday choices, energy and frame of mind which dictate how we attract it.

If I travel, it’s because I earned it. If I eat at a nice restaurant, it’s because I deserve to. If I decide to take a mental break from my social life, it’s because I need to. I choose to design my life every single day, and I’m damn proud of it. At 30, I’m funemployed (until January), unmarried and completely immersed in the freedom that I have. And, if you choose to judge that, then have a good show.

30, flirty and thriving.

I’m turning 30 tomorrow and my life has legit been a treat and a half. Full of mind fcuks and inarticulate surprises. Love and learning. A bit of a wildly choreographed dance that gets me going - life could thrown me lemons, I'll add some tequila and turn it into fun.  The past - in all its nostalgia and growth - has always given me more momentum than any Deepak Chopra quote could. I choose to deal with any challenge the only way I know how to - eating, praying, loving and indulging in a glass half full (with all the wine!).

What I know so far? 

1. We're stronger than we think we are. Often when shitty things happen, our initial reaction is to freak out, crumble for a moment and then find our way back to ourselves. I've lost a parent, a lover, a job and more. These are essential processes for life - I'm no self-help guru, but I honestly believe that difficult situations facilitate an expansion of sorts. You pull out some sort of drug-inducing strength, lean on the self-love and realise you're resilient as fcuk. It's not as easy as that - I know - but, in hindsight the TLDR is that we have the capacity for more than we think we can handle.

2. Cooking and playing around with ingredients is pretty much the only time that my anxiety is (nearly) non-existent. It’s strange how submerging yourself in a kitchen stocked with cheese, bread, wine, spices, fresh vegetables and pretty much every condiment under the sun can calm me down to a core. Find something you love that doesn’t involve your 9-5, click into still mode, absorb the energy of a self-indulgent hobby and just let go! Playing outside the lines can be oh-so-rewarding.

3. There will always be bad people with shitty intentions in the world. No matter how great you are as an individual, you can’t stop karma or some greater purpose from happening. It’s no indicator on your worthiness in this world, but it reminds us that not all people are created the same. Some of us find it easier to escape into the grime of these streets and that’s a bigger lesson for them in the end. My take? Never stop trusting, never stop learning from the bad and remember that everything - the cheating ex’s, the bad haircuts and that stranger you met at the bar - happens for a reason.

4. The subtle art of not giving a fuck is an actual thing. Don’t spend your time wondering if you offended someone by not inviting them to your cat’s birthday soiree or if they’re mad at you for choosing to stay in on a Friday night. Our time is precious AF and it’s yours to honour. As I’ve started ageing, I’ve slowly started to stop worrying about pleasing acquaintances or going to that party that I don’t actually care about. Friday night after a long week? Fcuk it, I’m hibernating with a glass of wine and The Crown on repeat. The Sunday before adulting kicks in? I’ve committed to spending every Sunday by myself with myself. It doesn’t mean that I’m not going to at the all-you-can-drink cocktail station the night before, but it gives me a bit more balance in the everyday madness. 

5. Wash that makeup off, drink more water and don’t take your hips for granted. I’m ashamed to say that I used to go to bed plastered in overpriced facial layers and I’ve got the indentations to prove it. Your body is only as kind to you as you are to him/her/shim - look after it from the inside, nurture those bones and stretch!

6. If you feel that you're repeatedly going through the same shit, it's probably time to ask yourself  "what's the lesson I'm meant to learn here"? There's something bigger hidden behind every bad breakup, wrong turn and haircut gone bad - and, it’s your personal responsibility to find the sparkle in all of it. Locate the emotion, learn the lesson and let it go. 

7. Everyone needs to travel solo at least once before turning 30. Yes, I know that this one is on every damn chicken soup for the soul checklist, but it’s a legit game changer. You get to immerse yourself in the things that truly get you going, you’re forced to find comfort in your own company and the plus side is that you get to eat a pizza by yourself while people-watching from a sidewalk. Give me more.

8. Your mind really is your best/worst friend. I recently reminded myself that I'm solely responsible for my energy - we give out what we want to get back. Respect your inner thoughts and give it the chance to manifest into something that makes your light grow even bigger.

Single..Not so ready to mingle.

Being single in 2018 is quite literally the mind f**k. You're dealing with what's left of Tinder and the Lonely Hearts column - oh, and a tub of ice-cream (kidding, I've pretty much self-diagnosed myself with lactose intolerance). This is the first time I've been solo in over two years and I've got to be honest - it ain't that bad.

My ex-boyfriend and I split up in July after he moved to Spain on a short work gig. Three weeks in and he ended it over WhatsApp, moved on with his life and decided to live in Europe. It felt like a legit mental slap in the face - my life had changed in a second, and I didn't see the crash approaching.

At that stage, I had two ways to look at the situation - I could either fall to pieces (which I did at times) or I could choose to embrace a journey on my own. At the age of 29, I was pretty content to know who I was spending the rest of my life with - but, the truth was, I was spending it with myself. They say that the most important relationship you can have is with yourself - completely corny, but true.

I travelled. Hard. Wanderlust is not the cheapest of hobbies, but it does afford you the ability to look at yourself and your life in various dimensions. You're meeting new people, indulging in adventure and feasting on foreign food - it forces you to grow in a way. I honestly believe that exploring new places and interacting with new people can often offer you the cheapest therapy that you'll ever need. Being on your own can also force you to face your emotions in a whole new way. When you're with someone for so long, it's easy to get lost in being together and to forget to confront yourself when you need to.

I've started painting again, joined the gym (not a success story as yet), almost passed out in a Bikram yoga class, made new friends, started meditating (no howling at the moon sadly) and have spent tons of time by myself. It's been super gratifying in the sense that after 29 years, I've finally started to appreciate myself, my strength and my own company. We profess to do it, but it's only when we're truly alone that we begin to dig a little deeper - exploring the crevices of our minds to acknowledge the fact that there is so much spark in our lives!

People keep telling me that I look "happy". And, I do feel that way 80% of the time. There's no shame in admitting that it takes minutes/weeks/months to move into your own space, after occupying it with another soul for so long. Right now, it's a work in progress that I'm continually trying to own - only you know your true worth, and it's up to you to decide who plays in that space. 

Find out what makes you feel good, and go do more of that. We're too old to not live our lives with complete intention and raw energy - immerse yourself in the spark and in yourself. It's completely worth it.

Screw the plans

Being in the present is often harder than it sounds. I often think of my life - the things I've accomplished, the experiences I've relished in and the moments I've cursed - and I'm astounded by how it's the bare-skin, uncomplicated and unforeseen memories that truly made all the difference.

Sounds cliche I know - I promise I'm not trying to convert you into a tie-dyed, bushy-tailed homo sapien. But, let me share a bit. I've been lucky enough to travel to 6 countries in the last 12 months - stuffing my eyes with wonder has been one of the most gratifying experiences of my life and one that has changed me infinitely. However, it's the unplanned and unintentional which have had the deepest impact on my life as it stands.

Lazing at home, letting the warmth of the fire place heat up my sensors, while I played Jenga with a beautiful soul and gazed into a glass of fermentation. Riding solo to a supermarket in Nairobi to buy 'love' tea and chatting to a mother-daughter duo who thrilled me with their sense of candor. Clutching my mom in bed when I realised that she only had 3 months to live, and frantically telling her how she was the best mother I could ever have asked for. 

Attempting to swim in the ocean on a recent holiday to Phuket, and realising how I didn't give a damn about the eyeliner trickling down my skin. Asking a waiter for an extra shot of rum, receiving a tot of lime and laughing over the fact that I can't pronounce my R's - yes, the impending speech therapy is an internal joke.

These are the breaths that have left the biggest, beautiful marks on my existence. They've revealed insecurities, forced me to face fears and more importantly, they've showed me how to love. Submerging your soul in present emotions can be both the easiest and the hardest. We're running and diverting; we're frantically trying to experience as much as we can so that we don't miss out. But, in retrospect it's the undesigned that often weave us into the people we are today. 

The point I'm trying to make is that every second offers you an opportunity to grow in some way or the other - it's never prescribed, but it's your perception that makes the biggest difference. 

Cape Town, where art though?

It's been exactly 36 months since I've truly projected my mind on to a piece of paper and I'm not sure why. What I have realised in this time is that we often get so stuck into a life of routine that we forget to touch base with our idiosyncrasies. With those moments that once made us feel whole and with those obsessions that left us howling with fervour.

I've always been the biggest preacher of living your life with complete authenticity, but have not quite lived up to this over the last couple years. Living in Joburg has definitely added to my lack of self-reflection - we get so caught up in the hustle, the money and the 9-5 that we forget about the things that really matter. We work ridiculously hard to make money, so that we can spend even more money to live a Jozi life. What bullshit is this? Mind fuck of note.

Recently, I've been reminiscing about my care-free life in Cape Town and it was a recent trip to Thailand that forced me into a self-induced 28-year-old crisis. Thailand in all it's ladyboy shows and G&T buckets was a complete dream - I went to the beach, swam (no, I lie - I just waved my arms around like a seagull), canoed, visited temples and walked the streets like the smart-ass I knew I was. The extreme freedom of just walking around a city, eating street food and and tumbling into the seashore was something I never knew I would miss as much as I do right now. 

Jozi has turned many of us into "handbag beneath the car seat", 'lets-head-to-the-coolest-restaurant and order drinks we can't pronounce' human robots. And, I'm exhausted. To truly revolutionize my experience in Jozi I've committed to a few personal musts. For one, I'm tired of making money to spend money! 

Instead I've vowed to head back to a few pieces of meat (soya for me) on the braai and an unapologetic glass of wine in a lacklustre cup. Nights in with a familiar face and zero pressure to make a social appearance. Or, I could always walk around Zoo Lake and pretend it was Clifton - complete with ducks and bad tans. 

The point I'm trying to make is that we often have to make the best of a situation so that we can eventually live an even better life. I'm not swearing off Jozi at this moment but I am eager to get back to the Kaap pretty damn soon. Until then, I'm conscious of the fact that in order to be truly happy, I have to swear off the must-do's and must-have's. 

At my core, I'm a simple soul who really just wants to wear minimal make-up (I mean, have you even seen my real face?), put my iPod in and chill out. It's funny how a vacation can bring that out of you. Wanderlust - it's the motto of the wealthy and the formula for a good life. 

Durban: Dazed & Confused.

I recently made the decision to move back to my hometown of Durban, and have since been attacked with numerous anti-KZN rants. It seems as if the general consensus is that the East Coast is where dreams go to live and die - and, I'm its next victim.

Yes, I've got a steady 9-5. I live in a vibrant city, filled with creative souls, a thriving night life and a generous mountain to boot. I'm also able to walk around town on a Sunday morning, music plugged in and not a care in sight. Why would I want to leave this beaut of a city? Give a girl 8 years away from home, she grows, she learns and she eventually gets homesick. Cape Town will always be my special place, but Durban has precious souls, plates overflowing with love and heaps of nostalgia. 

Durban is the country’s third largest metropolis. It has amazing weather, cultural diversity and beautiful beaches. Yet, the city is always discounted for been the Black Sheep of SA, and never gets the respect it deserves. Sure, its a psychological mind fuck, doesn't have a mountain and is approximate 2 years behind CT/JHB, but its pretty damn seductive once you see through the cracks. Durban's that ugly Duckling who starts flourishing as she gets older, and I want to be a part of that process. Create. Add value. Leave some sort of legacy. 

Sure, Durban gets a lot of flack for leaving much to be desired when it comes to its creative scene. Its night life lacks imagination, its architecture is rather questionable and its people don't always support their own. Durban doesn't love itself. Basically. Its a city that has so much to offer - think talented artists, burgeoning musicians and some of the best cuisine I've ever tasted - but, its kids often don't take the time to appreciate its authenticity. 

This isn't Cape Town or Johannesburg, and the streets aren't glorified into some pseudo Yellow Brick Road. But, before you start complaining about how much you hate this city, about its backward culture or the lack of progression, start paying a little attention to its growing underground community of local artists, designers and creatives.  

What most people fail to see is that there's an emerging creative energy in Durban; a talented group of visionaries, who are committed to carving out a niche for themselves in the 031. Durban produces some of the best talent in the country, yet these artists often leave to forge their paths elsewhere. I'm tired of complaining about a city, about its backward culture and its boxed up mindsets - I'd rather join the struggle and help change this. The creative creatures of Durbs are hungry and know how to play a good game - they just need a little more support from their own humans. 


“Durban is dazed and confused. It has no idea what it is. It is a truly African city in the sense that it is a fruit salad; a point of multiple connections, which means you don't have a preconception of what the city is, you can make it what you want it to be. If you look beyond the obvious, and you actually look for stuff you’ll find a culture on our streets that is the lifeblood for designers, everything you’ll ever possibly need to know is on our streets, in townships and graveyards."

Vogue Recreates Studio 54

If I could have lived through any era, it would probably be a toss up between the glory days of 1980's rock, or the thrill of a night at New York's infamous club Studio 54. 

The wild success of the 70s club is probably owed to owner Steve Rubell's first rule of partying: "The key to a good party is filling a room with guests more interesting than you". By 1978, Studio 54 had made $7million and Rubell was quoted as saying "only the Mafia made more money".

Supermodels Edie Campbell, Karlie Kloss, Anna Ewers, Cameron Russell, Liya Kebede, Mica Arganaraz and Rianne ten Haken  beautifully recreate the hedonistic days of Studio 54 in the May issue of Vogue Paris. The party girls were shot by photographers Inez & Vinoodh, wearing SS15 haute couture styled by Emmanuelle Alt.

20-Something Diaries: Kyle Deutsch

It's rare that you come across a musician who charms you on stage, and in person - but, that's what you get when you meet Durban-based artist Kyle Deutsch. This rising star is not only a talented vocalist, but a model, chiropractor and soccer player! 

He's also extremely humble about his success, which completely took me by surprise - we're often presented with far too many young artists who make a mockery of their talents. Not this time. 

Kyle wowed SA on Idols last year, which saw him being propelled into the limelight, as a Top 5 competitor. I recently got the chance to chat to this up-and-coming musician about all things music, fashion and success.

May: How would you sum up 'Kyle' in a sentence?

Kyle: A free, fun loving and humble boy, who has been blessed by His Father.

May: Did you always know that you wanted to be a performer?
Kyle: Nope, I always wanted to be a professional soccer player! And, I did that - but the singing has taken over my life.   

May: How has Idols changed your life?
Kyle: Idols hasn't changed my life per say. It's just given me the popularity and the audience to accept "Kyle Deutsch" as an artist. 

May: When you're not on stage, where can we find you?
Kyle: At my Chiropractic practice during the day, or in the studio making music in the evenings.

May: Single or attached? 
Kyle: Single

May: What's the one thing you can't live without? 
Kyle: Cheese and tomato - I'm a simple guy!

May: What do love the most about being a 20-something creative in SA? 
Kyle: We have the freedom of this beautiful country! We have the space in which to do what we love, in an unsaturated market - not many people understand the beauty of this.

May: What's the ONE fashion trend you can't stand?
Kyle: Definitely top-knots!

May: Who's your musical idol?
Kyle: Adam Lavine

May: What or who inspires you? 
Kyle: Life, love and my dreams.    

May: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?  
Kyle: Writing material for the best in the business, and being recognised for my music on an international scale. 

May: What quote do you live by?
Kyle: Sleep when you dead.  

Plugged IN: My Playlist Right Now #2

Anyone who knows me well enough, will tell you that I'm a renowned local music scene groupie. In my opinion, SA music is in its prime right now - our musos are upping their game and cooking up some serious heat! 

Middle Fingers Up (MFU) - Flosstradamus ft Sheen Skaiz 

Durban-based rapper Sheen Skaiz is no stranger to these streets, and has given us a hot 90's-themed video, filled with colourful graphics and catchy pop culture references. This one is a surefire to start off the weekend, complete with an infectious hook and a subliminal "F**k You" to the world.

Ain't Leaving Alone - Isle Of Skye Feat. 2LeeStark

If you're into laid-back deep house beats, that are reminiscent of an old-school 90's track then this one's for you. This track has been beautifully crafted to take you on a ride through smooth vocals, backed by a sweet sounding saxophone and urban beats. This one's a definite dance floor anthem!

Last Laugh - Jack Parrow

Jack Parrow continues to mix things up with an Eastern remix of his 2012 track Last Laugh. If you're not familiar with the song, its basically a story of Parow's life as an outcast looking more like "Horatio Caine than brad fucking Pitt", to where he is now: the popular rapper and soon to be author and designer with his own "Parowphernalia". F**k all the cool kids! This one will definitely get stuck in your head - don't even try to fight it.

Slyza Tsotsi - Major League 

Slyza Tsotsi has already got Mzansi moving with this infectious dance floor anthem, which has undoubtedly brought back the Pantsula dance craze. Featuring current local hip-hop kings Cassper Nyovest, Carpo, Riky Rick and Okmalumkoolkat, this one's a true testament to the addictive quality of new-age kwaito. Get that fancy footwork going kids!

Steal His Style: Eliezer Infante

Its no secret that I'm completely infatuated with menswear. I often find myself fiercely attracted to a well-fitted suit, before I've even had a look at the womenswear on offer. As designer Alexander McQueen once said, "menswear is about subtlety. It's about good style and good taste". 

I recently came across Eliezer Infante on Instagram - an emerging menswear fashion guru, model and photographer - and was completely bowled over by his dapper style, and supreme facial follicles. 

Think European flair meets urban chic. Eli believes that style comes from the soul, and finds his personal style cues from his "old soul of the '50s". In my opinion, this young talent is certainly one of fashion's finest - take a few tips gents! 

New Release: Sketchy Bongo – DIP ft. Aewon Wolf X Kyle Deutsch

There's no need to stow away those turn up vibes this winter. Durban-based producer Sketchy Bongo is ready to bring on the heat, with his new track DIP! Featuring top Durban artist Aewon Wolf, and SA Idols finalist Kyle Deutsch on vocals, this one is sure to get those feet tapping and that derrière shaking. 

DIP is a slick throwback to the nostalgia of the 90's - a little old school hip-hop, infused with the infectious beats of kwaito and house. Recorded during a spontaneous party at Sketchy's studio, DIP began as an impromptu meeting of friends, and later progressed into a finely-tuned piece of local heat. 

I had the pleasure of hearing these guys record the track, and can vouch for its appeal - DIP is definitely bound to be another hit from this talented Durban based collective.

*You can catch Aewon Wolf live at the 2nd annual Durban Youth Hip Hop Festival,  at Moses Mabhida Stadium on Saturday 2 May. The all star line up features South Africa's hottest Hip Hop Artists and DJ’s, and world renowned US Rick Ross. Get your tickets here.

STREAMING LINK: https://soundcloud.com/sketchybongo/dip
FREE DOWNLOAD: http://www.datafilehost.com/d/fd06c8c0

Twitter: @sketchybongo @aewonwolf @kyle_deustch