Lockdown: A Synopsis

I've always been enthused and amused by the human desire to have one's shit in order. Unfortunately or fortunately, I'm somewhat of a self-help connoisseur - I love looking at the microcosm of my daily life, relating it back to this great big world and unweaving the layers of my very existence. I sound so bloody enthusiastic, but trust me - this is the wine talking.

But, lockdown and COVID-19 has been a whole other type of subversive humour. I love the idea of being completely immersed in the act of self-growth, but I also realise that we're a generation who is fixated with bettering ourselves - we trade in our bad habits for a glass of Kombucha and return it for a slice of "living my best life" pie. Productivity is key to life, but the glorification of being busy is a farce that we need to shed. Sometimes, all your soul really needs is to lay in bed with a bad reality show on repeat, and a drug supply consisting of Jolly Jammers (so underrated), fruit chutney chips (don't judge) and a 9kg weighted blanket (I'm single and it's winter, okay). 

During quarantine, I've had absolute lows and highs. They're as extreme as they come - mornings where I get up giddy with the sheer excitement at the thought of a mental revival and some days where I want to hibernate without a to-do list. The eternal struggle to maintain a personal, professional and social life is not as easy as Chicken Soup for the Soul made it seem. We live in an era where we're encouraged to go further in every aspect of our nonsensical lives - our career goals, dating prospects, catchups with friends and trips to reconnect with the family. Enter COVID-19 and we're faced with the bitter fact that the simple art of sitting solo and doing absolutely nothing is so necessary and so needed.

The first couple weeks of lockdown were met with a child-like enthusiasm for Zoom dates, anxiety-ridden puzzles, kitchen experimentation, and DIY everything! Enter Week 2504? We've forgotten about the online house parties, judge our neighbours for breaking the lockdown rules (before proceeding to "bump into" our friends for a car park mingle), and relish in the cosmic nuances of the unplanned. 

Humans, by our very nature, are social creatures. But, there's something surprisingly satisfying in not jumping from a lunch date to a dinner date. Don't be misunderstood - I absolutely love sharing a laugh and a few plates of tapas with my people - and, lockdown hasn't changed that. The sweet spot has been the rediscovery of relishing my alone time, getting dressed up for myself, and finding a thrill in not being too busy. It's also meant that I've had to set a few boundaries that I often struggle with, because we're too polite and socially conditioned to "be there" whenever we have the capacity to. Zoom fatigue, with its constant gaze and non-verbal cues, can result in overthinking and a constant desire to decode one's messaging framework. And, it's bloody exhausting.

The fact that you're at home most of the time has also meant that it's easier for others to assume that you're always available to be contacted for anything and everything. The reality is that you really don't have to have plans with other humans to be unavailable - I could be watching TV, I could be taking a bath or I could be staring into sweet nothing. Setting boundaries and prioritising your emotional health is unbelievably essential right now, and it's absolutely acceptable if you can only make that Zoom call for 30 minutes. That's more than an episode of Friends, and that's perfectly okay.

Lockdown has also meant that I've experienced more than my normal share of mental triggers. I've unfollowed all the Kardashians (don't judge that it's taken me this long - it was all for Stormi, okay), had to be more vocal about my opinions on weight gain and have had to relinquish control in every sense of the word. We're living through a pandemic and it's led to the realisation that the lives we once lived are long gone. There were so many things that were wrong with those lives, but there was also a lot of good in it too (completely dependent on your view on veganism, monogamy, and a regular fridge defrosting of course). I'm slowly acclimatizing to this new normal via the realisation that lipstick does indeed smudge under a mask, waxing my own moustache for fun and asking my neighbours if they like bread in an attempt to summon a conversation. 

The most important lesson I'm learning is that life is unpredictable and we're living for ourselves and our loved ones. Don't feel pressured to say "yes". Don't feel guilty if you ate a pizza for breakfast. And, most importantly - don't buy cheap wine.