Nice guys finish last.

"Would you like me open the car door for you? I'll even hold your hand while we take a moonlight stroll through the park. I'll tell you how I genuinely feel about you - no lies, no photoshopped feelings and no douche bag moves. Did I mention that I reply to SMS's, return calls and will buy you lots of chocolate (AND a love fern) to compensate for my lack of smoothness?"

Nice guys. You tend to find them at the back of the line. They insist that they always finish last. They complain that girls bitch about douche bag behaviour from aesthetically pleasing boys, and that we never pick the 'nice' ones with honest-to-good personalities.

Watching my friends and I dance our way across the dating arena has subsequently forced me to confront the curse of the anti-jerk. I've met quite a few admirable and polite boys along my way, and yet I refuse to engage in anything besides mindless chatter with Mr Thoughtful.  

Case in point: Mr Cubana. It was 2011. I had lost my cellphone for the 2nd time in two weeks, resulting in one-too-many tequilas in an attempt to drown my sorrows (and pockets). Boozed up and full of bravado, I decided to take the next logical step - hunt down my beloved Blackberry on the dance floor! It was around this time that a sweet, young boy with a sober face offered to join the search party. 

He took my digits and called my phone a few times to see if anyone would pick up. Alas, the Blackberry was gone - douche bag phonebook and all. The next day, I received an unexpected call - Mr Nice Guy from Cubana! He was honest, polite, uncomplicated and genuinely wanted to see if I had survived the aftermath of the night before. I gracefully declined his offer of a coffee date. Why? He was just too damn nice.

This was the classic case of a a respectful, interesting and friendly guy getting the thumbs down simply because he wasn't challenging enough. He was honest and asked me out - no mind games and no lies - and yet, I still couldn't let him through my portal of lust. Where is he now? He got engaged this week and seems pretty content with life.

 The problem with nice guys is that they are too mild. Dull. Colourless. They woo hearts through a peachy and pleasant demeanor, and eventually morph into the 'Yes Man'. The 'Yes Man' will agree with whatever you say, bring you cupcakes when the crimson wave hits and call you every single night. The defect in this standard of behaviour is that it becomes exhausting to put up with - the guy loses his appeal when he loses his identity. If I wanted a date who agreed with everything that I said, then I'd be having Friday night slumber parties with a pot plant.

We want you to respect us, respect yourself and to essentially bring your own brand of spirit to the game. We want to be seduced with the aroma of well-earned authority and hands that entwine with ours - only ours. Jerks are tempting because we do love a great chase, but are far too hard to maintain. 

So don't suffocate us with sweet nothings. Don't agree with us all the time. And please don't give us chocolate/flowers to prove that you're a good person. Just be you. That's enough. Oh, and maybe wear cologne. That helps.