Friends Forever?

Rolling into the working world is often accompanied by more responsibilities, toils, troubles and a declining intent to party on vodka Fridays.  Life gets busy, you become a bit of a homebody and staying in with Season 1 of The Vampire Diaries begins to sound like a wild night out. In varsity, the chore of balancing fun and work is easier – you see your friends at lectures or at least make plans to meet up on the Tiger dance-floor. Suddenly, life gets complicated and friends drift apart. 

You promise each other that you'll stay in contact, and meet up for lunch at least once a week, but the legitimacy of this is not always practical. I have met so many people over the last 5 years, many of whom I thought would make the cut post-varsity. I can honestly say that I can label ‘my people’ by the ones who come to mind when I'm stranded at work, or find out that a relationship wasn't as monogamous as I had thought.

The line between degenerating into an acquaintance, or evolving into BFF’s is a thin one. Many people are freaked out at the possibility of morphing into someone’s rock when the winds decide to change, and life throws you a curveball. Can you really rely on that person you met at age 18 to stick around once your problems grow beyond holding your hair back?

I regard every friendship as a relationship. You may not be wining and dining a date with the desired intent to get ‘into the zone’, but you do need to put in the same amount of effort.

Communication. Respect. Honesty. Commitment. No booty calls.

Distance can make the heart grow fonder. I have the most amazing group of friends who have been by my side through emotional outbursts, losing a parent, breakups and indecisiveness in the cereal aisle. A lot of this happened in two very different cities, but we still managed to become even better friends – I really do owe a lot to BBM, and it’s aptitude to assert an emotional connection. 

A long distance friendship is as difficult as you make it. You wouldn't think twice about setting time aside to chat to your significant other, so why not do the same for that friend who would shriek ‘hold me back’  if anyone had to mess with you.

The common cliché of neglecting your BFF so that you can drool over the new guy in town is way past its sell by date in my mind. If you can't spot the cosmic difference between someone who’s only there when you scream ‘pass the tequila’, and someone who would willingly watch Disney movies with you on a Saturday night, then you sadly need to re-prioritise your life. 

Never take a pal for granted, and remember that he or she always has the option of leaving when you lose that lovin’ feeling. But, if the relationship is sincere, then it will progress beyond the stable realm of lectures and exams. The messy domain of a post-varsity friendship is ugly, messy and beautiful all at the same time. It’s challenging. But, you might just wake up one day and realise that you've found yourself a keeper. I know I have.

Nice guys finish last.

"Would you like me open the car door for you? I'll even hold your hand while we take a moonlight stroll through the park. I'll tell you how I genuinely feel about you - no lies, no photoshopped feelings and no douche bag moves. Did I mention that I reply to SMS's, return calls and will buy you lots of chocolate (AND a love fern) to compensate for my lack of smoothness?"

Nice guys. You tend to find them at the back of the line. They insist that they always finish last. They complain that girls bitch about douche bag behaviour from aesthetically pleasing boys, and that we never pick the 'nice' ones with honest-to-good personalities.

Watching my friends and I dance our way across the dating arena has subsequently forced me to confront the curse of the anti-jerk. I've met quite a few admirable and polite boys along my way, and yet I refuse to engage in anything besides mindless chatter with Mr Thoughtful.  

Case in point: Mr Cubana. It was 2011. I had lost my cellphone for the 2nd time in two weeks, resulting in one-too-many tequilas in an attempt to drown my sorrows (and pockets). Boozed up and full of bravado, I decided to take the next logical step - hunt down my beloved Blackberry on the dance floor! It was around this time that a sweet, young boy with a sober face offered to join the search party. 

He took my digits and called my phone a few times to see if anyone would pick up. Alas, the Blackberry was gone - douche bag phonebook and all. The next day, I received an unexpected call - Mr Nice Guy from Cubana! He was honest, polite, uncomplicated and genuinely wanted to see if I had survived the aftermath of the night before. I gracefully declined his offer of a coffee date. Why? He was just too damn nice.

This was the classic case of a a respectful, interesting and friendly guy getting the thumbs down simply because he wasn't challenging enough. He was honest and asked me out - no mind games and no lies - and yet, I still couldn't let him through my portal of lust. Where is he now? He got engaged this week and seems pretty content with life.

 The problem with nice guys is that they are too mild. Dull. Colourless. They woo hearts through a peachy and pleasant demeanor, and eventually morph into the 'Yes Man'. The 'Yes Man' will agree with whatever you say, bring you cupcakes when the crimson wave hits and call you every single night. The defect in this standard of behaviour is that it becomes exhausting to put up with - the guy loses his appeal when he loses his identity. If I wanted a date who agreed with everything that I said, then I'd be having Friday night slumber parties with a pot plant.

We want you to respect us, respect yourself and to essentially bring your own brand of spirit to the game. We want to be seduced with the aroma of well-earned authority and hands that entwine with ours - only ours. Jerks are tempting because we do love a great chase, but are far too hard to maintain. 

So don't suffocate us with sweet nothings. Don't agree with us all the time. And please don't give us chocolate/flowers to prove that you're a good person. Just be you. That's enough. Oh, and maybe wear cologne. That helps.