Text Me When You're Drunk

If there's one thing that I love more than a well-rounded glass of Merlot, it’s probably receiving a drunk text from an inebriated member of the opposite sex. Those 2am drunken proclamations of love may smell like cheap liquor and lust, but I effing love it.

Most of us have had the unfortunate luck of hitting SEND on a psychotic text after a night on the town. You either go home with a guy or you go home with McDonalds. 

If you're heading home with salted fries, then you may as well do it shamelessly. And, nothing screams shameless quite like an "I think I like you" drunken scribble, followed by a mid-morning screech of "OH GOD".   

According to Bruce Bartholow, author of “Alcohol Effects on Performance Monitoring & Adjustment: Affect Modulation and Impairment of Evaluative Cognitive Control”, alcohol doesn't make you behave badly; it just makes you care less. 

You're basically at your most honest after a few sparkly cocktails. After all, drunken words ARE sober thoughts; we say what we mean & we don't give a rat's arse about the repercussions. I wish I had the balls to live with such candor on a daily basis.

The trouble with the common drunk dial is the infamous 10am "WTF was I thinking?" realization that you may have just scared the object of your affections away. Alcohol is basically a sedative to our nervous system and affects the part of our brain responsible for emotion and behaviour. It’s no wonder that most of us would rather fall into a diabetic coma, before looking at that Call Log from the night before! 

            "If he doesn't text you when he's drunk, than he's just not that into you." 

We've started to glamourize drunk texts to the extent that they've turned into post-tequila ego trips. They make us feel more secure about our relationships - you assume that said drunk "chose" to text you first, and therefore they must really like you. 

Drunk ramblings somehow convey the notion of a boozed-out soul showing off their vulnerability, in a sick, sloshed out manner. 

Booze makes you feel powerful. You suddenly don't care about repercussions, unrequited love or what people think. Screw hiding your feelings? I'm all for blatant honesty, but nothing good ever comes out of "I'm sooo drunk".  

Remember, liquid courage eventually turns into a hot mess. My tip? Leave your phone at home, hide it or text your bestie instead. 

Or, you could grow a pair, be honest and say what you mean when you're sober. Life's way too short to wait for Happy Hour.