First Date Douches. That's all.

First dates. This is usually when my brain decides to cheat on me with stupid. I talk too much and rely on liquid confidence as a pseudo-meditation technique & begin to behave like a girl.

I really do have the best date face.

I remember once downing 3 Mojitos in an attempt to appreciate my date's less-than-lovely conversation! We over-think between the deep sighs of butterflies, wonder what he's thinking and if he knows that you're really wearing Spanx underneath all those layers. 

This is why it baffles that some boys sale through dates in a douche bag costume, topped with hair gel. 

If a girl powders her nose before meeting you, then the least you can do is be polite. Right? 




Boys, please don't EVER do the 
following. Because, we will think you're a little bit douchey & fake diarrhea to leave. Really. 

• If you like knocking back a few drinks, that's cool. Just reserve the drool for when you're sleeping alone that night.

• I like sharing my food, but please do ask if you plan on cutting into my bonding time with my California Rolls.

• We all like a great deal, but try not to bargain with the barman on the price of the cocktails. Cheapskate.

• If you're rude to the waiter, then it's over. Go punch a wall, punch a bag OR just punch yourself.

• Close your mouth when you chew. Unless you're my dog, which in that case - go for it.  
  

• Insult my friends and you insult me. The end.

• Put the damn cellphone down.

• Politics and religion. Leave it for the 3rd date.

• But, you can ask us out again. We like that.